do the sensible thing and be gay. at a stroke u cut all this nonsense out.

anthony wong, london, uk

I have a large amount of respect for men, who do have to initiate. I used to ask men out on dates, risking rejection, and these men were never into me for long. It seems the hunt and chase is important, and I'd removed that part. Now, I must wait patiently, feeling (if I may borrow a word) impotent.

Amy, California, USA

I gave up years ago and moved to China. Chinese women are not perfect, but it is hard to describe just how much nicer they are to me than American women. And since most of them are what we'd call sexually repressed, there is less pressure on everyone, so I can relax and enjoy flirting more.

Paul, Nanjing,

I think the secret is to really, really like the woman you are with. Then everything seems to come out right, and if not, your sincere attempts to make it right will still be charming to her!

If you care that much that you'd still see her again, no matter what, you can't really go far wrong.

iain, bedford, uk

everyone is different, no one way works for everyone.

Just learn to like yourself by learning what your real strengths are; then learn like other people.

jen, london,

Like Elke, Frankfurt says, we are all human beings!! It seems the world has made men and women into completely alien creatures from one another. If we all remember that we are all essentially the same, and use a little common sense, we can all get along.

Amelia, Carbondale, USA

I'm so glad that I don't fit into the category of a "modern" woman, because that means that men have more of a "chance" to be themselves! :-) I've read articles like the one mentioned here before, and really I just don't understand how other women ever meet anyone - they're always offended... Jeez.

L Marie, Chesapeake, USA

I once saw a cartoon that said it all. The title was "How to pick up women" and it contained two frames, entitled "Right" and "Wrong". Each frame contained a man, and both men were doing exactly the same thing. But the man in the "right" frame was handsome, while the one in the other was an ogre.

Peter, Nelson, New Zealand

I've just gotten out of a relationship because his buddies were more accepting of his selfish ways than I was. Just meet her half-way and pay attention to her sometimes. It'll be all good.

Helene, Berdoo, CA, USA

But women have to do the ultimate in doublethink: stop looking for a partner/don't seem as though you might be needy (bad: desparate) AND at the same time, don't "give off" unavailable signals/seem perfectly happy to be single (bad: emasculating). LOVE that little conundrum!

Andie, Manchester,

Oh, come on. People of both sexes can be cruel, demanding, tactless, greedy, clumsy, crass, etc. This is why dating is hard work (and often hilarious) for everyone. A brief look around suggests there's plenty of romantic hope for ordinary men and women, so long as they're not too bitter...

Kate, New York, US

Everyone now wants the cinematic date: the kind of date you'd see in a romantic television program or movie. But that's only available with actors, lighting, sets, costumes and a well-written script. Real life, real people, are far messier and don't typically inspire immediate infatuation.

Robert, Los Angeles,

Women have all the power in the dating arena. It's the guy who has to risk rejection and ask the woman out on a date. It's the guy who has to pay for the date. It's the guy who has to woo and win the woman. Nothing is ever expected of the woman. She doesn't have to bring anything to the table.

Peter, New York, United States

I read most of the points of the article linked in this article and I fully understand the women there. Seriously: most of the things there fall in the category 'common sense'... which seems admittedly absent in more and more people these days. You don't have to be perfect, just be decent.

Tom, Delft,

I would agree with the advice given above about humor. As a veteran of many relationships, my courting days are now strictly numbered, but if I had to give younger men some useful advice, it would be to negotiate a sexual relationship verbally before attempting any touching.

Jackson, Orlando, USA

Glad it wasn't just me that thought this about what women think they want...just the problem of getting them to realise it.

Big Stan, UK,

American women have so many "rules" that they are no longer worth the bother. A medium priced prostitute is far more fun and much less expensive. She has far fewer rules and will never say "we have to talk." It doesn't surprise me that so many young men have decided to go this route.

Sam, NYC, US

Getting women to WANT to go out with you a second time isn't hard. Show them respect. Show interest in who they are and what they do. Ask questions about them. Don't move in for sex right away. Don't stick your tongue down her throat when you kiss her. Honestly, if you have to be told this...

Patrick, San Francisco, USA

Women have been hit on by so many idiots, they don't realize how hard it is for a genuine guy. Like the article mentions: we basically need to be borderline perfect on the first date or else it's utter rejection.

Jack-O, San Francisco,

To see this point expanded upon in hilarious, and painfully accurate detail, watch Coupling. Steven Moffat perfectly sums up the dating game in that sitcom!

Steven, Hull,

Women haven't changed - they'll still forgive anything a millionaire says...
Tom, HK, China

Having briefly dated a millionaire who was quite simply one of the scariest, mentally damaged and unpleasant men I've ever known, I can safely say, not true Tom!

Laura Roberts, London, UK

Let's all just be gay instead! Simple.

Chris, London, UK

Kat, Toronto is spot on. I've realised that if they're not into you, nothing will change that.

I have way more respect for the women that actually mention this though, rather than having to figure it out from obscure hints. Sure they'll be much happier with their game players...

Pete, Brighton,

If a woman likes a man, all the gaffs and awkwardness can be passed off as endearing. The trouble about dating is giving people the chance to get to know you. True, more single women could do with reducing that knock list- what is important in a man, in a friend? Bad shoes can be changed!

gill, London, UK

Much as I love women, they are unpleasantly detailed. And when looking for love their "checkbox mentality" hurts them mores than it helps.

John, Nottingham, U.K.

Women haven't changed - they'll still forgive anything a millionaire says...

Tom, HK, China

An average amount of decency, a modicum of tact, and just bear in mind that women are fellow human beings. That is all that is necessary. Men - and women - who are not able follow basic rules of human communication deserve to be ridiculed.

Elke, Frankfurt,

I get rather bemused at how 'technical' dating has become-I was never really good at chat up lines, all these 'techniques' etc so I went for the gradual blend kind of thing and it worked 10 years on now.. Somehow I didn't even have to use my sense of humour much...
Back to basics anyone?

Don A, Manchester, UK

I really do feel sorry for men in this day and age! They really can't open their mouths without sticking their foot in it, but that isn't their fault. I think us women have put too much pressure on men making the date successful and not enough on ourselves. It does take two for a good date!

Nichole, Providence, RI

Thank goodness I'm decent looking, fit and funny. Because I'm not particularly smart, and it seems that one has to be an Einstein to wiggle one's way through the dating quagmire.

tkehler, Vancouver, Canada

I blew it last time (two weeks ago) when on meeting Sylvie I called her Valérie...Well, I got so embarrassed....I haven't called back. I don't think it's worth it...

F.Brochen, paris, france

Thing to remember is what works for some women doesn't work for others. There's no universal rule, you've got to go with it and test the waters.

Mike Laughton, Runcorn, United Kingdom

As my brother taught me, when you approach a woman it doesn't matter what you say to a woman ,as long as you say it to HER.
Most women are looking for a decent looking guy with confidence enough to approach her, and enough money. Also, a man can increase his value by playing a little hard to get.

Ed, London,

I would suggest that it doesn't matter what you say/do - if someone likes you, a faux pas will be endearing or a smooth line will be the perfect thing to say. If they don't like you every gaff is suicide and anything smooth is sleazy. It's not a game so there are no rules.

Kat, Toronto,

There is no law that says men have to pay for meals/choose the restaurant/pay bills,etc. It's only a tradition. If you treat it like a game, with rules to be followed- you're bound to be on your own. It is supposed to be fun, after all...!

W.P.Gillette-Fussell, London,

Best advice any man can take into the dating game is stop listening to what women say they want.. The majority of women say what our feminist culture wants them too. Never pay more than half, imply that you have other options, playfully take the mick, worked very well for me and my gf agrees why!

Ben, Nottingham,