Suzi Godson

He's right. Having a test is not exactly romantic. But nor is finding out that you are one of the 83,745 people in the UK that has genital warts. And, compared with genital herpes, testing is a walk in the park.

Contagious oozing blisters anyone? Nope, not very romantic at all. Mind you, four out of five people who have the herpes virus don't exhibit noticeable symptoms, so they just pass it on to suckers who don't understand the importance of sexual health screening. It's why the incidence of genital herpes rose by another 9 per cent last year; 16 per cent in girls aged between 16 and 19.

Infertility isn't very romantic either, but chlamydia is still winning prizes for “the most commonly treated sexually transmitted disease in the UK”. One young adult in ten screened through the 2006 National Chlamydia Screening Programme tested positive for the symptomless infection that can scupper a woman's chances of having a child.

And what about death, eh? Aids has been written off as a medical condition that affects gay men, drug addicts and immigrants, but in the UK heterosexual transmission of HIV now exceeds any other source. There were nearly 8,000 new cases of HIV in the UK last year, while it is estimated to be undiagnosed in a further 21,600 people. At least 17,932 people have died of Aids in Britain already, and although antiretrovirals can delay death, they don't cure the condition.

So, romantic is relative. But trust is not. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) have reached such epidemic proportions in our population that no one can consider themself “clean” unless they have the test results to prove it.

If your beau is embarrassed about going to a genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic, get him to do it through DrThom (www.drthom.com), the online sexual health clinic. It is the only online medical service registered with the Healthcare Commission, and the “Silver Screening” package for men and women tests for genital chlamydia, genital gonorrhoea or HIV. All he has to do is to register online, make his payment and then wait for the innocuous-looking testing pack to arrive in the post. The tests are idiot proof.

For the chlamydia and gonorrhoea tests, your beau needs to collect a urine sample and the HIV test requires a saliva sample. However, the HIV test is unlikely to be able to detect signs of HIV infection if it occurred within the past three and a half months, but this is the same if you have an HIV test at a GUM clinic.

Once he has collected his samples he posts them off to the laboratory. Three to five days later DrThom will send a text message to his mobile telling him to log on to the website to collect his results. If there is any uncertainty as to what the results are, DrThom will ask for a telephone number to call him on. The service is confidential and his GP will not be informed of his results without his permission.

DrThom's “Silver Screening” package costs £75 per person. That may be peanuts to your beau, but if he was less of a chicken he could get all those tests free at his local GUM clinic. And then he could use the money to take you out for dinner instead. Now that is romantic.

Suzi Godson is the author of The Sex Book (Cassell, £16.99) and The Body Bible (Penguin, £16.99)

Dr Thomas Stuttaford

One of my mentors in genitourinary medicine (GUM) used to start his advisory chat to patients with the warning that “love involves the sharing of your genital bugs”. This is the inevitable consequence of the physical expression of love and lust, and the advice that he went on to give wasn't intended only for those who have penetrative genital sexual intercourse. Sexual infections can be and are transmitted by oral sex, close bodily contact involving the genitalia and, although this is unlikely, even by mutual masturbation.

Condoms make for safer sex, but not safe sex. How often does a woman meet a man and vice versa, who doesn't say that he or she hasn't slept with another partner for months or even years? Explanations that they are “clean” sound good, but are meaningless. At best it denotes that they are symptom-free.

Your inclinations are based on common sense and sound medical practice. Carry condoms with you and suggest that you don't do without them until you have both been checked. I assume that you already use some other method of contraception.

Being cautious doesn't mean that you are being untrusting. Your new partner may be unaware of the organisms that he is providing with a cosy and undisturbed home. You can soften the blow and provide some consolation for the embarrassment that a visit to a GUM clinic might cause by suggesting that you would like this only because you want yours to be a lasting relationship.

I haven't worked in NHS clinics for ten years and although, I am told, the time given to each patient is shorter than it used to be, I have no doubt that the non-judgmental and generally relaxed atmosphere will have survived any spending cuts.

Surely your beau realises that if he is not a virgin, you are not in any way casting doubts on his relative continence. Rather, you are taking account that neither he nor you can vouchsafe for all his previous partners, his previous partners' partners and so on. Only a thorough screening conducted at a reputable clinic will give you some idea if your friend's breezy optimism is justified.

Even if both of you are screened, it gives you information only about what you are both suffering from, if anything, at the moment of the test. It won't detect any problems that are still incubating, nor will it prevent either of you risking infection by having a one-night stand. That is where your judgment, and his judgment, become important. He presumably doesn't think that you are the sort of person who is likely to do that and, likewise, you trust him not to.

One of the problems when somebody meets a new partner and explains his previous love life, is what he means by sexual intercourse.I have had patients who have thought that if there was withdrawal, it didn't count. Oral and anal sex are often discounted, as are relationships in which condoms were used.

Dr Thomas Stuttaford, The Times doctor, spent many years working in a genitourinary clinic

Explore Health

• Expert Advice

• Health Features

• Mental Health

• Alternative Medicine

• Child Health

• Health Club