REBECCA MILLER, 45, is a novelist and director, and the daughter of Arthur Miller. She lives between New York and Ireland with her husband, Daniel Day-Lewis, and their sons, Ronan, 10, and Cashel, 6

I spent a long time as a child spacing out, looking like I wasn’t doing anything. It was probably the most important developmental stage of my life — a time to let my brain wander. Computers make children’s imaginations so flaccid. J Having children is the single most transforming thing. It is as if your baby teeth fall out and your adult teeth push through. When you’re driving on a wet highway, you realise the reason you don’t want to die is for your children, not yourself. Survival takes on a different meaning.

I’m easy-going in marriage, warm with my kids, and quiet and intense at work. My producer is the only person who has a hard time. Humans are reactive — we learn who we are in relation to other people. That’s why children who receive no stimulation become retarded.

How is it to live with an method actor? He’s still the same person underneath. I have such a strong sense of the persona as a multiple self, so I’m sympathetic.

To get along in marriage, it’s important to let go of grudges. People clench hold of the bad things too much.

Fame is a vapour, as OJ Simpson said. It’s also pretty tacky. Luckily, I’m not that famous, but I’ve been around it all my life — it really doesn’t mean much when you see it up close. To be respected is a wonderful thing, however.

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