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From Times Online

August 8, 2008

Beach of the week

Chris selects his favourite beaches from his camper van man tour of the British coast

Chris Haslam

Has Chris missed a beach you feel worthy of inclusion? Or do you have any tips for the rest of his trip around the British coastline? Leave your comments below

WEEK SIX: Salcombe to Whistable

If you were abducted by aliens and ordered to describe the archetypal British beach, it would be Weymouth. Not only does this sheltered bay boast officially the finest sandcastle-building material in the country, it plays host to Professor Mark Poulton’s non-misogynistic Punch and Judy show (“A cross between Carry On and the Simpsons,” he explains), the most genial donkeys I’ve seen on any beach (book a ride and you get a printed bio of your beast of burden) - and Mark Anderson’s spectacular sand sculptures. “The beach works so well because everyone who works on it is involved in the planning,” the professor says.

WEEK FIVE: Weston-super-Mare to Salcombe

There’s a current that starts in the Caribbean and ends at Woolacombe’s delightful Barricane beach, dumping millions of tiny exotic seashells on the narrow tongue between the rocky outcrops. Crabs linger in the rock pools, gentle waves break on the shore and, at low water, you can walk around to peaceful Coombesgate beach. And there’s a fab cafe selling cracking cream teas for £4.50. Best of all, you can bring the mutt.

WEEK FOUR: Llandudno to the Gower

They call the beach at Porth Oer the Whistling Sands – and, when you walk on the powdery grains, you’ll realise why. Some argue that the sound is more of a squeak than a whistle, but let’s not split hairs – it’s an expression of joy uttered by the most spectacularly beautiful stretch of sand on the Lleyn Peninsula. It’s not a fashionable choice, I know – Hell’s Mouth, next door, and Barafundle Bay, in Pembrokeshire, are the guidebook favourites – but with its pumping point break, a maze of canyons chock-full of teeming rock pools, a great little beach cafe and the best castle-building sand north of Weymouth, Porth Oer is a contender for best beach of the trip to date.

WEEK THREE: John O'Groats to Southport

If Carlsberg made a beach, it would be Oldshoremore, Sutherland. Think of jade waters lapping against a beach of dazzling bleached sand, riven by stark outcrops of black basalt, where the only footprints are your own. From the car park, it’s a five-minute stroll to a beach where crowded means a wet labrador on the horizon. Guidebooks rave about Sandwood Bay, a four-mile hike to the north — but they’re wrong, because Oldshoremore is the best beach on earth. Probably.

WEEK TWO: Skegness to John O'Groats
Bamburgh, Northumberland

The southwesterly came in great, angry gusts that blew the tops from the waves and coated the faces of the few wandering the vast desert of Bamburgh, Northumberland, between the dunes and the sea, in a crust of windblown salt and sand. Above, the sky was still blue, reflected in the restive sea, but to the west, in the van of an advancing low front, it blackened like a bruise.

In the confused light, the shivering marram grass turned silver, and pools left by the retreating tide trembled in anticipation of the coming storm. Only Bamburgh’s mighty castle seemed unmoved on an afternoon seemingly divinely engineered to show Northumberland’s brutally beautiful coastline at its dramatic best. Sunshine and soft breezes are wasted here, so, if you’re coming, pack a waterproof and pray for rain. When you feel hypothermia coming on, turn back and thaw out at Pat Green’s wonderfully cosy Copper Kettle Tearoom (21 Front Street; 01668 214315), where tea and a toasted teacake costs £3.35.

WEEK ONE: Southend to Skegness
Cromer, Norfolk

Elegant Victorian houses soar like cliffs above the perfect sands of Cromer, their windows like caves and their balconies like ledges. There’s an undeniable sense that the joy here is not in the pay-as-you-go distraction of flashing lights and Bacardi Breezers but in the pure enjoyment of the two magnificent beaches, separated by an elegant pier.

The delight is in the exploration: steep flights of stairs lead to tiny cottages where ancient mariners hawk whole Cromer crabs. Be sure to book a sunset supper at the stylish Rocket House Café (01263 519126), a glass-and-steel affair atop the lifeboat museum that wouldn’t look out of place in Sydney’s rather more famous harbour.

Here, without any doubt, is the room with the best coastal views in the British Isles: http://www.chydane.co.uk/index.html

John, Bangkok, Thailand

Were you in too much of a hurry to get back into Devon that you missed some of the best parts of Cornwall? I would suggest that Maenporth beach, just south of Falmouth, and some of the small beaches in and around the Fal estuary are well worth visiting. Otherwise, I agree with your comments.

Paul, Birmingham,

This series gets funnier - and more acerbic - the more vinegar he drinks. Newquay is indeed a trollop, and anyone who new Watergate before the stylists arrived will agree with his description. Chris Haslam is becoming to travel what Gill is to eating.

Fred Thomas, Southampton,

'a worn-out old trollop sprawling across two fine beaches like an overweight Essex bird in a too-tight Billabong T-shirt'

Outstanding description of present day Newquay; a resort ruined by it's own popularity and now merely a chav's retreat. It wasn't always this way.....

Paul Ritchie, Southampton,

You really have not seen a beach until you visit carradale beach in Carradale Agyle (west coast of scotland) about a 3 hours incredible drive through the highands.It has a back drop of mountains views accross the sea to aran and wild goats roaming arround on carradale point. DONT TELL EVERYONE !!

GAVIN, Tenerife, Spain

Don't miss Avon Beach nr Christchurch with its beautiful views across to the Isle of Wight - it's not nearly so touristy as nearby Bournemouth. The cafe is extremely popular and you have to queue for a table outside in summer. We come every weekend, summer and winter, and you can't beat it.

Laura Campbell, Christchurch, UK