I try not to quote taxi drivers - it's just too easy. But the cabbie on the
way to this hotel had a point. “Look at the windows, the way they hang
inwards, mate,” he said, pointing at Marks Hotel.
“It's a nightmare for window washers. They can't get at them hanging from
above. Instead they have to use a crane. Blocks up the road, that does.”
Then he said, in the way cab drivers do: “Whoever's responsible should get a
kick in the a***!”
On this note, I arrived at Marks Hotel.
From the outside, the modern building and its “nightmare” windows seemed more
than a bit out of place: a slice of angular glass with a ramp-like roof that
looked as if it had been designed for Evel Knievel to leap across the street
to an elegant row of Georgian buildings opposite. I was beginning to agree
with the cabbie.
Once inside, however, I discovered, that Marks was unashamedly “funky”, with
James “Godfather of Soul” Brown playing, swirly decadent red-and-gold
wallpaper, and cool receptionists dressed in black. Guests in trendy
trainers were drinking trendy beers listening to Get Up Offa That Thing on
stripy sofas in the bar.
As the music switched to Otis Redding singing Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay,
I went to my room. This was extremely purple (wallpaper, blankets, carpets,
curtains), reminding me of yet another funk-soul maestro, Prince. Humming
Purple Rain, I took a look about.
The room was not large and, despite the splendid purpleness, I was slightly
disappointed. I was at the back with a bleak view of air-conditioning units,
council blocks and a depressingly grey Thistle hotel. Some of the room
fittings looked dated. Scuffed drawers on an old, clunky wooden desk said
“hairdryer” and “tea/coffee”, spoiling the funky purply feel. Marks, I later
learnt, opened last August and was previously a Bewleys hotel. My guess was
that some of the interior was left over from the old hotel.
Motown hits were playing downstairs as I arrived for dinner. This, however,
was another disappointment. My starter, a chicken and mushroom roulade that
lacked almost any flavour, was followed by monkfish served with Béarnaise
sauce and curried vegetables. Béarnaise and curry, I can report, are not a
winning mix.
Nor was the tag-team service from four waiters. The result was that the wine
took ages to come, and I was accosted as I left by one waiter who thought I
hadn't paid.
But then another James Brown track went on - Funky President (People It's
Bad). And even though some bits of Marks are definitely “bad”, I ended up
thinking the rest was pretty damn “good”... no matter what the moaning
cabbie said.
Bottom line Mystery Guest paid £99 for a B&B double
Sampling the fare Poor
Best thing It's cheap
Worst thing Poor service
Need to know Marks Hotel (0141-353 0800, www.markshotels.com),
110 Bath Road, Glasgow G2 2EN
Room 5 out of 10
Food 2 out of 10
Service 5 out of 10
Value 7.5 out of 10
Score 4.88
PUT TO THE TEST: 20 Mystery Guest questions for... Marks Hotel
1. Do rooms have kettles/coffee makers? And is there fresh milk?
Yes, and fresh milk on request.
2. Is there a hairdryer, and is it fixed to a wall?
Hand-held hairdryers.
3. Are coathangers metal, wooden, removable?
Wooden, removeable.
4. Complimentary bottle of water?
Only in "superior" rooms.
5. Sheets and blankets or duvets?
Duvets.
6. What about a 'pillow menu'?
Different pillows can be requested.
7. Is lighting good enough for reading?
Yes.
8. Is there a shaving/make up mirror? And is it well lit?
No specific shaving/make up mirror.
9. What about the in-room entertainment system?
TV and DVD.
10. Is there a temperature control panel?
Yes.
11. Do the windows open?
Yes.
12. Is there good sound-proofing?
Better in the rooms in the front. At the back Mystery Guest could hear some
next-door noises.
13. Is there wi-fi internet access?
Yes, free.
14. Is there a good place to go jogging nearby?
No.
15. What is the vegetarian food selection like?
OK, nothing special.
16. Is there baby listening/babysitting? And are children welcome at
adults’ evening meals?
Yes, baby listening on request, but no babysitting.
17. Is there wheelchair access to all areas?
Yes.
18. Do you get a free paper in the morning?
In "superior" rooms.
19. Is there a pub round the corner?
Pub/bar downstairs.
20. Is there free car parking? And is it secure?
No, but guests can stay at nearby car park for £10 for 24 hours.
We have to stick up for Marks Hotel. We stayed there recently, based on TripAdvisor reviews which were generally complementary, and had a different experience from Mystery Guest. In particular the food and service during our stay was excellent - and we are seasoned travellers and know good from bad
Cliff and Sue Grover, Aberdeen, Scotland